The Question of a King

My job is to walk with You. I don't need all the things my flailing heart has been seeking. I only need to nestle close to You and walk with You and listen for Your voice.

Just like the Israelites wanted a king rather than You... I have wanted a job. I have wanted You to give me a place and an income and an assignment where I can say, “This is what God wants me to do,” and then just DO it. Rather than making the effort to seek YOU and Your beautiful face and Your beautiful voice every moment of every day.

But it's the same. The Israelites didn't like the idea of a relationship with You. They just wanted a king to follow, a king to take responsibility for them, rather than interacting with You as You led them directly. A king was a relationally lazy way out for them. No relationship, no faith, just follow.

And that's what I have been wanting with a job. Just give it to me and I'll do it. No daily seeking of Your face, no moment by moment awareness of Your Presence and seeking of Your approval, no daily dependence on You for sustenance. A job that would provide some measure of (perceived) security for the future, a social "place" and reason to be alive, a purpose. It would give me an IDENTITY. People I meet would say, “What do you do?” And I could reply, “Oh, I work for _____ doing _____.”

Rather than seeking You and following Your direction day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year. Trusting You for purpose, for provision, for identity. You are so much better, my good Father.  

This is an excerpt from my quiet time journal. It was a wonderful epiphany the Lord gave me as I walked Oliver the other day, and it has been on my heart every since. I have always been frustrated with the Israelites when I have read this story, so it was a joy, actually, to see how it applied in my life as well. Not that it was a joy to see how wrong I had been, but it was a joy to make the right choice in the depths of my heart—unlike the Israelites.

In pondering this over the course of the week, it occurs to me too that this is the downfall of a lot of organized religion as generations go by. While all the Christian denominations were begun with sincerity of heart and purpose, as the years pass, the rituals and customs that began in genuine worship, have come to be meaningless to the congregants. They have come to provide the lazy way out of a relationship with God, or at least, fill unthinking people with that perception, don’t they?  I know that many catechists and Sunday school teachers work hard to instill in little ones the depth of the meaning behind the rituals in which they are about to engage. How much sinks in? And how LONG does it stick? Not too long for most, I’m afraid. The intent is there, but it’s too often lost in the hearts of the participants. Congregants of these religions want to just follow the rules of their religion, and not bother with a relationship with their Creator. Just like I have been longing for a job and/or a place in ministry, rather than walking day by day with Jesus, seeking His instruction for the day. Not for my life as a whole, but for that day. For that moment. For that person I am interacting with just then. It’s a lot harder.

I am more excited to be a part of His kingdom, of His will, to walk and talk with Him in secret, than to brandish the identity of the world on my chest through a job, an income, a social circle, a ministry. I am His and He is mine, in secret, and that is all I need to be.